I watch a lot of late night television, so I've seen the infomercial for these little orb-things. This man should be their spokesperson.

After a long hard weekend of laying in front of our television and picking our toenails, we need to relax. We're not superman afterall. WE NEED DOWNTIME AFTER OUR DOWNTIME. That's why we were tickled pink when we found Christina Hendricks in our Google Reader this morning. What a way to start the week! Also, this might be the FIRST TIME EVER we're buying Esquire Magazine.

(via Idontlikeyouinthatway)

People are taking their defense of Conan O'Brien right to Jay Leno, like this fan right here. Rumor has it that he's also going to make himself a firecrotch just like the ex-Tonight Show host. Sweet!

In other Conan news, make sure you secure tickets for Conan O'Brien's Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour.

There are a couple interesting things about this interview with Mel Gibson by Chicago television reporter Dean Richards:

1) Mel Gibson really looks crazy.

2) He looks like he needs Ritalin.

3) Can't believe he says "Dude."

4) I bet he can snap his own neck off if he really wanted to.

5) He really looks crazy.

Check it out for yourself.

Some of you may know that besides writing blog posts about teen superstars and my eventual relationship with Dakota Fanning, I am also a screenwriter. I have written four feature screenplays, and of course, like 99% of all screenwriters, no one has even ever volunteered to read one of my scripts, much less produce it or air it a global television network (not even Spike).

Now, I wouldn't call any of my scripts works of total genius. They have mostly been exercises in futility with the hope of honing a skill that I can later sell to other poor schmucks that think that their story is worth seeing brought to life by Zach Efron and Suri Cruise (Silly Saturday rated PG for simulated farting noises). This said, I do think that all of my scripts are entertaining, and are better, more interesting than something say... A MONKEY COULD PUT TOGETHER! But I guess some "chaps," or more so, some "chimps,"  over at the BBC would disagree.

Apparently some chimpanzees have made a movie, and the BBC is going to air it despite a very weak plot line, worse cinematography than "Death Proof," and a total and blatant disregard for a hundred years of film making. Breaking the rules is something every aspiring filmmaker should try, but you have to understand the rules you are breaking to be groundbreaking.

Of course, just like James Cameron's Avatar, people are going to ignore all these flaws because of the fact that the chimps were using a new and special "chimp-proof camera" camera or "chimpcam." So what?! I've got a "chimp-proof camera." It's called a Flip HD.

Where can I go from here? I have hit rock bottom. I will never amount to anything. Maybe I should just start writing my outlines and treatments with my own poop.

Seriously, guys, chimps, bros, I'd love to work with you guys. I really respect your work and I have an outline for a ten movie series about a monkey named HAX. The whole thing is very high concept, so I can't say anything else without a deal in place. You love bananas. I love bananas. We could run this town. It's gonna be... bananas. Oh yeah, I definitely think we can get Gwen Stefani on board to do the soundtrack... yeah, and Ryan Gosling has already expressed interest.

"Take your stinking paws off my film industry, you damn dirty chimps!"  -Chuck McCarthy

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration today! 

Yesterday PETA unveiled the latest ad for its "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, featuring Bethenny Frankel, member of People with Extraordinarily Little Talent Society (PELTS).

My Cheetah-lined hat is off to you, PETA, because your ads continue to intrigue me. I find myself thinking, as I cut into my still-mooing T-Bone, "Who is PETA's demographic?" Considering your recent choice of spokespeople, I can only assume that your research, presumably conducted by underpaid monkeys at typewriters, shows that your core audience is people invested in reality television. How else can you justify burning our retinas with the likes of Steve-O, Khloe Kardashian, and Karina Smirnoff? (You know it's bad when your last name is a brand and they still don't want you.)

It makes sense though. PETA's invasive studies done on bunnies, show that reality TV viewers are far less intelligent people who can be more easily swayed into giving up those necessary extravagances like fitted Dalmatian tees adorned with hamster noses, and squirrel-tail tampons.

And as for the rest of us, the nod-and-wink, upper-crust "Adult Swim" viewer? Manatee flippers make for a lovely corset.

Little Rock, Arkansas – When Michelle Duggar’s vagina overheard a conversation about a “due date” for “Number 19, Jesus-Jaylyn”, the vagina, known locally as “Stretch” reportedly suffered a massive panic attack.

This is the eighteenth known attack the vagina has suffered, and sources close to situation say the vagina was seen being carried away on a stretcher screaming expletives at Mr. Duggar. The source went on to say that the vagina was so agitated that it most certainly would have been waving its arms in the air, if it had been able to grow arms.

When contacted, a hospital representative would only say that the vagina was resting comfortably after being denied a transfer to a different body.

We can all agree that punching a girl in the face is totally unacceptable. But what if that girl was excruciatingly annoying, gave birth to Dr. Phil and her name was Oprah? Would it be okay then? No, it wouldn't be. But after watching this video of Oprah screaming celebrity names for 25 years, we'd totally understand how somebody would want to kick the living crap out of their Oprah-playing television sets and then throw themselves off the nearest building, killing themselves and hopefully anyone else who saw this thing. Seriously, it's painful. It makes us think that anybody who's watched The Oprah Show for the last 25 years must be devoid of any form of sound judgement, or at least that part of the brain that makes you go, "Oh, CRAZY TRAIN ALERT! **CLICK** It's Maury Povich time."